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Nostalgia. I was reading some of my blog posts from back in 2004 and was wondering that apart from a writing style had anything else in my life changed. Well, if I could sum it up with one word, I’d have to say No.

But then you would go on to ask, how come? And wouldn’t it have changed in these six odd years? Well, the whole matter of fact is how we define change? Yes, if change is defined in a sense, that six years ago, I was a sulky bastard; well six years down I am an old sulky bastard.

Change is not constant. Change is only an illusion of our understanding of it. If everything does change, then nothing changes at all. But let us assume that change does exist, then are you happy from where you were before?

And if change is constant, can one actually ever be happy, knowing that things will change. Live in the moment, they say, well the moment passes by and you have not lived. You have not even taken birth to understand the concept of living. And when you finally do, you are dead.

As human beings, well some of us, are hungry and desire change every instant. We are unsatisfied souls that are not happy in the moment, but rather in the expectation of the moment. The moment does arrive and it is only a chimera of happiness.

We can of course argue that even if happiness is nothing but a figment of imagination, why is it a bad thing? Why is it a thing we should avoid? And I don’t have a response to that. In fact, I think it is wonderful that happiness is nothing but unreal and yet we all crave and aspire for it, that we will go to the extents of being sad and miserable, just to be happy.

I am not asking one to avoid happiness cause in reality you are not really happy. I am asking to embrace this illusive feeling. But at the same time I am also asking you to understand that not everybody has the courage and understanding of how to do so.

I’d like to leave you with a few lines I had written a while back

A thorned paradise
Crowned upon thee
Scarified self belief
Forgive nay left
Enameled faces decipher
Kings of sorrow
Jacks of joy
Upon charred coal
Circumcisial evidences flee
Headless chickens arise
Blood trapped underneath
Pensive moods a'roll
Enticed overdose deplete
Unscarred dark emotions
Passing through drips
Omegic burning sky
Green veins deceive
Smothered self destruction
Rise upon me